Memoirs series (3rd and 4th October' 2006)

The bus ride is as usual- many thoughts lingering in my mind of what to expect and what not to expect. The cool breeze touches my skin as I keep the window little open and helps me stay awake on the way to Chandel (a hill district) in Manipur for work. The roadside is scenic as I see only green plants and trees- greenery of paddy fields, mountains and hills.  It stood strong and has everlasting imprint on my mind. I also had the book by Shobha De called the Spouse in my hands, flipping pages periodically. I have been reading it for ages.

The Bus suddenly stops. Everybody wondered what transpired, but learnt that Assam Rifles have halted all the vehicles. They claimed that they were attacked (supposedly attacked as they claimed) by elements known best to them. The first thing that came across my mind was- ‘Oh fuck!! Hope they do not start pulling people from the vehicles and start beating up. I thought it would not be a lucky day for any youth including me when such claims happened or actually happens. There were enough examples of their past misdeeds on similar instances or many occasions, by virtue of the power given under the Arm Forces Special Powers Act, 1958. Almost all the drivers of the public transport who had lined up were negotiating with the forces to allow the vehicles to pass through. They paid no attention and hence, the buses turned back including ours. We had to take another route.

I feel relieved when I reached my colleague’s place in a village called Khangshim at Kakching Lamkhai. It’s a small village inhabited mostly by small Naga tribe called the Khoibu. It also had small share of people from other communities. The village is full of activity and people worked hard for living. It’s always a good feeling to be seeing and learning other’s culture.  How often can one imagine the cohesiveness in existence especially when there are various dynamics moulding the societal orders and structures? Least we say about the vested interests, the better.

We took few bites and headed for our final destination, Chandel HQ. Oh God! The road was terrible. You could see the worst possible potholes of the world. Do believe me. The ride was difficult one as we did not get seats to sit. It’s a sad reality of pathetic conditions of hill districts in Manipur. I took up the challenge though. The road repair from Pallel to Chandel HQ seems to have been going on for ages too.

My idea of office is about innovation, and also about bringing some of the wonderful system that I had seen outside the state. Transparency has almost been very important for me and I tried living by that principle and setting examples for other colleagues. But the truth is I m working in Manipur and hardly anybody seems to have been acquainted with that word. Any issues you raised about the financial matters with people concerning finance in the department, you get vague answers and further you probed, it becomes personal. I am frustrated, desperate and sometimes want to open their brains and shout till my lungs blows that ‘I am there for no fun but for a purpose and to bring about a change’ (I did not like TISS as a place but still follow the certain principles it taught me).  The work do not provide me with much time and space to think whether what I do is right or wrong but all I know is I do it as it is my profession and it gives me a sense of satisfaction. I do not know if I am being hyper-sensitive to what I do and the people around but all I know is that if you are able to bring about some change in this ‘fucked up system’, then that’s an achievement.

I do understand that many officials in Manipur work under tremendous pressure but many a time it’s an exaggeration. On 4^th of every month when there is this monthly meeting at DC’s office chamber, I f***k’in see new faces every time coming to attend the meeting.  What is the purpose of the meeting anyways, everybody just talks- Assholes!!!. I thought rather than talking people should come down at the reality and do some action as action speaks more than words. I believe the DC has to show the way and lead by example. I was so bored to death that I escaped the meeting and performed a facility survey at the District Hospital, Chandel. It gave me immense satisfaction to be with those who really ran the show. There was nothing actually in the facility, and hence many columns remained empty.

What I understand of is that field and theories do go hand in hand but it’s always a mismatch. The reality is that ‘those who formulates theory has no ‘Balls’ to implement it at the field level and those who are involved in implementation at the field do not understand the theory. That’s where the gap creeps in and the public at large have to bear the brunt of these conflicts.

Manipur as a state has come a long way in terms of corruption, militancy, violence, unemployment, etc and it has taken decades to reach the state at its present form. It will again take the same number of decades to unwind the hard rooted ‘above mentioned issues’ from its face and restore sense to each one of its people. There are people who are content with the present fiasco and propagates further, but who bears the brunt------YOU and me and the People of Manipur.